Kids Say The Funniest Things!

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered, "Mary." The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?" A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?" The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''

3 -year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, ! if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail.

One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied,"Because people are
sleeping."

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Far Above Rubies

‎"Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD...Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies." (Proverbs 19:4; 31:10)

Scripture is clear that a man cannot truly 'find' a virtuous or prudent wife on his own. When his paths cross with such a woman and he obtains her, he has 'found' her because God has done it - whether he was aware of God's working or not. She is a gift of God's favor to him, a helper so that he can accomplish all the plans that God has for his own life, and will do him good and not evil all the days of his life (Prov. 31:12).

Married Women:
Make knowing God and being conformed to Christ your highest priority.
You will bring great glory to God directly and through your husband. Your godly virtue continually sends the message that your entrance into your husband's life was no chance meeting, but a gift of God's favor to him.

Single Women:
Make knowing God and being conformed to Christ your highest priority.
Your worth is far above that of precious stones in a culture that promotes superficiality and cheap thrills. As you walk with God you will be a blessing to many. And according to the wisdom of God's will, and the desires of your heart, you will be a prepared helper and companion for a truly godly man, not given lightly by the Lord, at the appointed time.  Facebook
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Letters To The Pastor [A Bit-O-Humor]

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert, Age 11, Anderson.

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly,
Annette. Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher.
Thank you.
Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph, Age 11, Akron

Be Wary Of The Wicked

Woe to the wicked! It shall be ill with him, For the reward of his hands shall be given him.

Isaiah 3:11

The Bible contains over 300 references to wicked people and the wicked one altogether. Jesus also told many parables in which he made reference to wicked people and the outcome of their actions. The Proverbs tell us that the sacrifices, ways, and thoughts of wicked people are an abomination to God (Proverbs 15:8,9,26), and 1 Peter 3:12 tells us that the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

It can be argued that every person apart from Christ is wicked, for this is the nature of unregenerate man. But in everyday life, we see clearly that among the unsaved, there are those whose lives stand out for the fact that they take a special delight in doing wicked things, particularly when it comes to blaspheming God, harming others, and standing against God's truth. I am referring to those whose hearts are hardened and whose tastes for evil are continually indulged without the pinpricks of conscience. They reject God's truth and serve only themselves, pursuing their selfish lusts and seeking to entice others.

The gospel must be preached to the wicked, because the gospel is the power of God unto salvation to those who will believe (Romans 1:16), but believers are certainly not to fellowship with the wicked. Sometimes a believer deceives self into thinking that such fellowship will amount to an evangelistic or missionary effort. I have seen this happen in the real world and even online. Communicating the gospel, or teaching the truth is by no means the equivalent of communion and fellowship. The unsaved should find believers of Jesus Christ to be compassionate, humble, and patient - full of genuine goodness, but can never find a true Christian to be a "kindred spirit". If this were the case, something is very wrong about the Christian's walk with God and inner life - regardless of what is presented on the outside.

The Scriptures contain examples of various wicked people in both the Old and New Testaments. Here is a brief look at just three New Testament examples of people who enjoyed their wickedness and hated the truth:

Herodias (Matt. 14:3-11; Mark 6:17-28; Luke 3:19)
Herodias was the wife of Herod Philip I. She left her husband and entered an adulterous marriage with her husband's brother, Herod Antipas. When John the Baptist confronted Herod Antipas about this unlawful marriage, it was Herodias whose ire was greatly stoked and she wanted to have him killed. In fact, "Herod feared John, knowing that he was a just man and an holy, and observed him; and when he heard him, he did many things, and heard him gladly"(Mark 6:20). Finally, upon a hasty oath that was made by Herod to Herodias' daughter when she pleased him and his guests with a dance, Herodias found a way to get rid of John the Baptist. She instructed her daughter to ask Herod for the head of John the Baptist immediately as her reward. Although Herod was sorry, he had made an oath before many guests and had the murder of John the Baptist carried out immediately.

Elymas the sorcerer (or Bar-Jesus a false prophet) (Acts 13:6-12)
This Jewish false prophet had attached himself to the proconsul, Sergius Paulus, perhaps as a counselor. The proconsul called for the apostles Barnabas and Saul "and sought to hear the word of God. But Elymas the sorcerer (for so his name is translated) withstood them, seeking to turn the proconsul away from the faith." Again, we see that this wicked man hated the truth. Not only would he reject it personally, but he also sought to stand in the way of others who might believe the gospel of Jesus Christ.
"Then Saul, who also is called Paul, filled with the Holy Spirit, looked intently at him and said, “O full of all deceit and all fraud, you son of the devil, you enemy of all righteousness, will you not cease perverting the straight ways of the Lord?" (vs. 9-10)
God executed a divine judgment of blindness upon this sorcerer immediately which, despite all his wicked efforts to prevent the proconsul from turning to Christ, became the very means of persuading him of the truth of the gospel.

Jezebel (Revelation 2:20-23)
The Lord Jesus sent a message by the apostle John to the church at Thyatira (which seemed to be a model church in love, works, and faith), rebuking them for permitting a false prophetess to seduce many with her teachings into sexual immorality and idolatry.
"Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce My servants to commit sexual immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. And I gave her time to repent of her sexual immorality, and she did not repent"
This woman not only rejected truth and enjoyed her sin, but also taught and seduced others to do the same. God's mercy was available and she rejected it.

Believers in Christ are God's sheep and Christ is the great Shepherd (Heb. 11:20). The enemies of God who give themselves to do evil can be likened to goats (Matt. 25:31-46). These are the wicked who reject the gospel of Jesus Christ and are reserved for judgment and punishment. Sheep and goats can often be found in the same fold. David cried out in many of his Psalms for deliverance from wicked men. Christ exhorts us to be "wise as serpents but gentle as doves"(Matt. 10:16). Paul requested prayers "that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men; for not all have faith"(2 Thess. 3:1-2) and in another letter he reported that Alexander the coppersmith had done him much evil (2 Tim. 4:14).

The purpose of this post is to remind you that there are wicked people who are real enemies to your faith, and who can do you and your cause great harm, spiritually and otherwise. I believe it is an error to assume that people are 'basically good'. Many of the unsaved persons we meet are deceived and mean well in various deeds they undertake. But there are many others who are violent enemies of the truth. These are aware and willing agents of satan to entice or seduce believers into sin, or to hinder the work of God. In sharing the gospel of Christ, remember to be wise and discerning about how you relate to the unsaved.

Jesus Is (Still) Willing

Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.”
Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.” As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed.
Mark 1:40-42

In the times of the Bible being pronounced as a leper was a life changing event, for the worse. Apart from the physical affliction, degeneration, and handicap that could result, one would be cut off immediately from one's family and friends, from making a living in society, from attending public worship gatherings and any other vestige of a once-normal life [see here for a synopsis of this topic in the bible; see here for a few pictures - may be graphic]. One was even required to cry out, 'Unclean, unclean' when approached by anyone (Lev. 13:45). Many scholars now believe that biblical leprosy comprised a variety of contagious infections, but whatever the case, it is clear that at that time no cure could be provided by man. The lot of the leper was generally that of perpetual rejection, ostracism, and shame.

The plight of this leper recorded in the gospel of Mark was dire. He was afflicted with something that no man could cure. He had heard of a man who preached and taught with authority, commanded demons, and healed various diseases. And perhaps he had even heard of the disposition of this Man, that He was humble, compassionate, patient, upright, not reproaching the sinner or scornful. And the leper put his faith in Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

The leper came with humility (imploring, kneeling, saying if You are willing) and faith (You can make me clean). Jesus was moved with compassion. How often in the gospels we see (and read) that Jesus was moved with compassion at the need and weakness of man. I imagine Christ's heart was broken by this man's plight. Jesus who perceived the heart and thoughts of the wicked Scribes and Pharisees, must have also perceived the record of rejection, abandonment, pain and loss in this leper's life, and the near hopelessness of being bound by an infirmity for which he could not obtain a cure.

Read that Scripture again and notice the order of events. Jesus met the leper's humility and faith with a heart of compassion. Then Jesus put out His hand and touched him. Then Jesus spoke a word of reassurance (I am willing), and a word of command (be cleansed). And "as soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed" (vs. 42).

Jesus Christ, "the same yesterday, and today, and for ever", has not changed (Heb. 13:8). Jesus' heart is still filled with compassion towards the person who is suffering under the bondage of sin, or its effects. And He is not afraid to touch you whatever the disease or fallout looks like. He is still willing. And he will still heal those who come with humility and faith.

Many give up or stop short if their miracle is not immediate. We do not often consider how many prayers this leper must have prayed before today...The same can be said of the woman with the issue of blood for twelve long years, who only worsened. Or the man in the synagogue with the withered hand. Or the man born blind. Or the paralytic on the mat who had already been that way a long time. Or the daughter of Abraham who had been bound by a spirit by infirmity that caused her body to be doubled over for many years. Or the deaf and dumb mutes and the many demon-possessed...The disciples' gospels hint at their stories. These all suffered for various lengths of time. I am certain that prayer would have been offered to God on their behalf by family members, and some would have made supplications to God many times for themselves - long before Jesus of Nazareth appeared, teaching, preaching, and healing.

What is the lesson for us? If you are afflicted by a disease of the body, soul, or spirit; if you need transformation from the inside out; and if you still have a will to be free, a desire to be cleansed, Jesus is still willing. He is the only One who can cure your condition and make you free indeed (John 8:36). Do not cease to "cry out all the more" as blind Bartimaeus did, (although many rebuked him and warned him to be quiet [Mark 10:46-52]). Jesus Christ still has a heart of compassion for you. Remain humble, persistent, and nurture your faith in Him.