I Know It Hurts. Love Anyway.

After you've been hurt, betrayed, used, rejected, abandoned, or deceived in a relationship (whether by family members, friends, or significant others), it's common to want to protect yourself by withdrawing. You think it will protect you from future pain. However, if you choose that route you will lose more than the equivalent of whatever future pain there may be. You'll become a shell of a person, either avoiding or rejecting others; or hurting and using others cold-heartedly. As someone who has been there, I encourage you to keep investing in love, God's way. Because, you see, there is a beautiful paradox where true godly love is concerned. That same love that is implanted in the hearts of believers by the Holy Spirit, and which is nurtured by sacrificial obedience to God's word, will make you vulnerable to heartache, but it is also a healing balm.

A commitment to godly love protects your heart from the defilement of bitterness or destructive tendencies. Such defilement usually accompanies heartache when the relationship that was broken was built only upon a worldly passion, or an unreasonable and self-centered devotion. True, godly, love even when met with heartache will draw out Christlikeness in your own character - a fragrance of mercy, forgiveness, and faithfulness. And it preserves tenderness and compassion in your heart to invest in other, or future, relationships.

Your heart will be wounded in this world. Christ's heart was wounded because He loved. He came to His own who did not receive Him. He was mocked, scorned and struck by those He was suffering for; despised and rejected by those He loved; betrayed by a friend; denied by a close companion (see John 1:10-11; Isaiah 53:1-12; Ephesians 2:4-7). But Jesus loved anyway. Even upon the cross, in the excruciating pain of the last moments of His earthly life, He made intercession for those who crucified Him. No, not all who He loves did, or will, love Him in return, but there are those who do. They love Him because He first loved them (1 John 4:19), and they have sealed and proved their love with their own blood, or have suffered the loss of all worldly things for His sake. His love paved the way for others to be able to love Him, and one another, with this other-worldly, overcoming love.

In the same way, despite the wounding you've suffered, if you keep looking to God to be your Source and Chief Joy, and stay committed to loving with His love, He will place others who are also being transformed by His love into your life. The richness you will experience from these new relationships will be amplified because of the depth of character you gained in your willingness to love, show mercy, compassion, and forgive even when others hurt you. Remember "love suffers long", and "love never ends". "And now faith, hope, love, these three remain; but the greatest of these is love" (see 1 Corinthians 13). I know it hurts now, but love will also be your healing balm. Love will reap eternal relationships, and rewards. Love anyway.

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. - Mother Teresa

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What To Pray For

This is the 15th post in a series on Praying Effectively. We have talked about what effective prayers are and in the last related post we learned that abiding in Christ is the key to a consistent experience of effective prayers. 'Abiding' in Christ necessarily includes prayer, but this prayer is first devotional and personal. Without these times with God, endeavoring to pray effectively in other areas (for example, intercession for others) will doubtless become a duty without joy and increasingly difficult to sustain.
If you are just joining me, please see the end for a special note before continuing!


What To Pray For

1. Self
Some people believe that it is selfish to pray for oneself first when praying. Or that it is selfish to spend a lot of time praying for oneself during times of prayer. I have found that it is not only not selfish but important to pray for oneself, especially if one is to go on to spend a lot of time interceding for the lives of others. It is important to be built up, and to spend time edifying oneself to be equipped and strengthened to serve others. The value is in spending time praying for our spiritual needs and about those things that affect our eternal purposes, more than for shallow, temporal, and insignificant pursuits.

2. Others – believers and unbelievers
Praying for one another is the main way in which we can access the supply of the Spirit of God for the strength, help, deliverance, grace, peace, joy, enlightenment of others. Even the greatest servants such as the apostle Paul depended upon and requested the prayers of the churches. The more that is to be accomplished for God, the greater the need for prayer.
Prayer to God is the lifeline of the members of the church of Jesus Christ, individually and as a whole; for personal maturity and for service to others.
It is important to make supplications and intercessions for others in the household of faith, including prayers for the strengthening, establishment and protection of young converts. It is also necessary to pray for those yet outside the family of God, including unsaved family members and friends, even strangers, and governmental authority figures.

"Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth."
1 Timothy 2:1-4

3. The global and eternal purposes of God
As we read the Scriptures and spend time abiding in Christ, the eternal purposes of God become more real to us. That is to say, the bigger picture comes into focus more clearly. We learn of God's purposes to conform men to Christ and to make us a holy nation unto Himself. In the letter to the Romans, Chapter 11 we learn of His plans to redeem ethnic Israel which has temporarily been allowed to remain in blindness during the present dispensation. We learn of the coming manifest kingdom of God, not only "in heaven", but right here on earth after Christ's return. These types of overarching divine purposes ought to have some place in our prayers as well. We should not only be informed by them in the spirit of the requests we make of God, but we should actually pray for such things as the maturity of the body of Christ to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, for the unity of the faith [see John 17:20-23; Eph 4:13]; for the peace of Jerusalem, for the salvation of Israel [see Psalm 122:6; Jer 50:20]; and for the coming kingdom and that God's will will be done on earth as it is done in heaven [see Matt 6:10].

Clearly, there are many, many prayer needs. We should be inclusive and intentional, but not rigid, and not dependent upon our own wisdom and strength to persist with these requests. The main thing is to be led by the Holy Spirit, to ask for His help, and to flow with His agenda for each prayer session. Yielding to the Spirit in prayer will be the focus of my next post in this series.



[This is the 15th post in a series on the subject of prayer. In the previous installment we looked at the foundational principle of abiding in Christ and briefly discussed what that means. 
These posts are interspersed among other blog topics so for the easy identification of related posts, look for the label 'praying effectively - series' in the sidebar. If you are just now joining in I recommend that you read the first post where I shared my reason for doing this series. I hope to share practical keys and insight into praying effectively, in bite-size blog posts which you can easily follow.]  Facebook
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10 Little Christians

10 little Christians standing in line. 1 disliked the preacher, then there were 9.

9 little Christians stayed up very late. 1 overslept Sunday, then there were 8.

8 little Christians on their way to Heaven. 1 took the low road and then there were 7.

7 little Christians chirping like chicks. 1 disliked music, then there were 6.

6 little Christians seemed very much alive, but one lost his interest then there was 5.

5 little Christians pulling for Heaven's Shore, but one stopped to rest, then there were 4.

4 little Christians each busy as a bee. 1 got his feelings hurt, then there were 3.

3 little Christians knew not what to do. 1 joined the sporty crowd, then there were 2.

2 little Christians, our rhyme is nearly done, differed with each other, then there was 1.

1 little Christian can't do much 'tis true, brought his friend to bible study, then there were 2.

2 earnest Christians, each won one more. That doubled the number, then there were 4.

4 sincere Christians worked early and late. Each won another then there were 8.

8 splendid Christians if they doubled as before. In just so many Sundays, we'd have 1,024.

In this little jingle, there is a lesson true, you belong either to the building or to the wrecking crew!

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How Far is Too Far: Sexual Integrity for Singles

In my last post just a few days ago I shared a short article I'd found called Eight Great Traits of Future Mates by Lee Warren and Julie Ferwerda. It was full of incredibly wise guidelines for recognizing a person with the qualities to be a truly godly mate. The article would have been helpful to everyone in some way, but it was most relevant to singles. Today I would like to share another article which I believe is a 'must-read' for any single and those already in a dating relationship. This article was published by Every Man's Battle [a great site ministering to single and married men] but every unmarried man AND woman needs to read this article, especially if there are questions, concerns, or conflicts about managing affection and desire in a pre-marital relationship. Because there are points in this short article which will shed more light on certain principles shared in the one I posted previously, they are helpful to consider together. I especially encourage you to read this article slowly, prayerfully, and to go to the Scripture to read the verses referenced by the author.


Via EMB by Bob Parkins on May 6 2011.

Not many Christians debate God’s instructions against premarital sex. However, there is still not a consensus or a shared understanding regarding what constitutes acceptable physical affection and what is sinful. The Bible uses words like adultery, fornication, lust, and purity, all words that have very clear meanings. Yet many Christian singles, teens, and even parents remain confused. Many Christian singles and teens struggle to maintain sexual purity while abstaining from sexual intercourse, yet many are engaging in sexual acts. They deceive themselves by legalistically reasoning they haven’t violated God’s boundaries because they haven’t technically had sex.

While the Bible does not appear to clarify exactly what other acts for singles are and are not acceptable in God’s eyes, it is very clear about the guidelines we are meant to judge these acts by. When asked by young couples, “how far is too far?” I generally ask them to search their hearts and examine what their intention and motivation in asking is. Usually a couple who asks “how far,” is also struggling to maintain sexual purity. Those struggling with sexual purity or addictions are in the habit of pushing limits and boundaries. They want to know what is the maximum they can get away with. They look for loopholes in attempts to satisfy the desire for immediate self gratification.

The Bible warns us about being deceived and worshiping idols (Deut 11:16; Exo 20:14), and sex can be an idol to those who struggle to maintain purity. Scripture also tells us that God sees what truly is in our hearts and we will sow what we reap (Gal 6:7). If you have ever asked “how far,” and have patterns of pushing limits, it is likely you are not truly interested in purity and really want to get away with as much physical affection as possible. When you put it that way it seems silly to consider the technicality of sin. If you discover your motive is to selfishly seek your own physical gratification, instead refocus on what is pure (Php 4:8).

When you flirt with sin, you put yourself in a position to sin. To answer the question more directly, anything that causes you to sin is “too far.” This is probably the best litmus test for determining limits since the Bible doesn’t tell couples specifically how they can show physical affection, at least not in the manner many look for. There are several scriptural examples of expressing affection through treasuring chastity and virtue and abstaining from sexual immorality (Isa 62:5; 2 Cor 11:2), a counter-cultural perspective in most increasingly permissive/promiscuous societies. Jesus models surrendering personal desires to the Father (Luk 22:42), and encourages us to ask for God’s intervention in maintaining victory over sin in The Lord’s Prayer (Luk 11:4). If you are willfully sustaining a desire that cannot be righteously met, you are deceiving yourself (1Thess 4:3-8).

Determining limits may be a little different for different couples, but be cautioned against any propensity to justify pushing limits. If you get excited to the point that you struggle with lustful thoughts or fantasies from kissing, or if you have difficulty respecting boundaries (yours or hers), you may not be able to handle more. Consider then abstaining from kissing or other applicable acts. Some may not struggle with kissing and will need to set limits accordingly. I suggest also abstaining from any physical activity or show of affection that you are not comfortable doing in front of her father. There are several genuine and appropriate displays of affection that pass this test.

It is important that couples talk about setting physical limits early in their relationship. We live in a backwards culture where single men often push women to/beyond their sexual limit. This is not what God intends or requires of us in marriage, so it certainly cannot be condoned in dating. Men are to cherish and protect their wives, not take advantage of them for their own pleasure (Eph 5:25-28; Col 3:19). Just as a father is to protect the innocence of his daughter, so are we to protect and respect any woman we are dating. Sexual desire for her is not bad, but respecting her virtue means protecting her from these desires (yours or hers).

Men, it is up to you to initiate this conversation and establish boundaries. This may be the very first act you exhibit of spiritual leadership in a budding relationship. Any potential spouse who is worth spending your life with will respect your integrity because they will feel safe and cherished. Two scripture verses that are helpful in maintaining focus on purity are:

- (2Ti 2:22) Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

- (Php 4:8) Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Be encouraged by the peace God promises those that live pure and virtuous lives.  Facebook
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Eight Great Traits of Future Mates

I was going through some older archived email recently and found a great short article on recognizing traits that make for a godly future mate. I thought this article was so good that rather than only deleting it as an old email, I needed to share it where it could benefit others for a long time. This article is obviously most pertinent to singles, but I also think that married followers of Jesus Christ can assess their own growth in relationship by measuring against the guidelines given.

Via Single Purpose by Lee Warren and Julie Ferwerda on 3/4/09

Determining if the guy or gal you’ve been dating is the kind of person you want to marry can be confusing. Maybe you wonder at what point you’re either being too picky or too accommodating. Maybe you have trouble recognizing the habits and traits that should be present in a God-honoring mate. Consider the following questions to help determine the spiritual vitality of any potential mates.

Growing. Does this person seek out God willingly and eagerly on their own (without relying on you) by reading the Bible, praying, engaging in ministry at some level, and fellowshipping with other believers? God's best will have a growing relationship with Him that is genuine, fresh, and intimate in a way that is noticeably and consistently affecting their life.

Praying. Does this person pray regularly? Do they easily pray with you or in front of others? Do they talk about their prayer concerns and answered prayers? A marriage without prayer is like a light that hasn't been switched on — dark and powerless. A great mate will be someone who is conversing with God on a regular basis for direction in life, developing prayerful intimacy with God, and investing in the lives of others.

Pure. No matter what mistakes have been made in the past, is this person determined – now – to wait until marriage to have sex, refusing to use your body for their own sinful pleasure? Do they honor their word to preserve purity, not trying to entice you into a physical relationship? Does this person work hard to avoid “pushing the limits?" A great barometer of a person's current spiritual life is how they control their sexual urges. If they truly love God (and you) and want to be obediently set apart for Him, there won't be any excuses, playing with fire, or compromises. Trust me, this is possible. It’s called delayed gratification.

Teachable. Does this person ask for help? Do they admit when they’re wrong and say they're sorry? Do they respect God-given authority? Do they seek out godly counsel? Someone who invites wise counsel into their lives is a very trustworthy person. Plus, if a person is teachable with others, they will likely be teachable with God. There’s no greater trust and security in marriage than a mate who’s teachable before God, seeking His will above his/her own.

Honest. Does this person tell you the truth even when it's hard? Do they communicate openly about their feelings, struggles, past, and failures? Do they take responsibility for their actions when they do something wrong or hurtful? Do they frequently twist the truth or minimize to get out of trouble or make themselves look better? Counting on your partner's word in marriage is vital so there should be all the signs of honesty and openness, even when discussing hard issues or admitting to wrongs.

Whole. Does this person place their hopes, expectations, and emotional needs in God alone or do they try to fill up emptiness with the emotional support of others (you), or overindulgence in things like alcohol, food, drugs including prescriptions, spending money, T.V., sports, etc.? Does this relationship feel more like a drain or does it create positive energy? In a healthy marriage, both individuals must know where to get “filled up,” not depending on the other for happiness or constant fulfillment. They do not avoid pain or boredom, and are not afraid to be quiet and still. They must each be secure in their relationship with God alone. Only then can you have a content joy in being together without dashed expectations and hopes.

Surrendered. Is this person independently pursuing their own plans and goals, or do they frequently offer up their lives to God and His plans? If the person you marry is living for their own plans, you are not going to have the marriage God intends for you. Two people who are surrendered to God’s plans open up doors for a great marriage adventure!

Forgiving. Does this person forgive and get over things easily? Does he/she treat people kindly who have hurt them? Is there any area of bitterness or unforgiveness from their past that shows on the surface? A person who can't forgive usually hasn't really connected with God's forgiveness toward them. This person’s bitterness will make your life bitter, too. People who are forgiving recognize that God is ultimately in control and they can let go of offenses. This will work in your favor when you have marital conflict!

The most important thing to remember is that, whatever traits or habits you’re looking for in a future mate, you must also exemplify them yourself. If you want a godly mate, you will only attract that kind of person if you are that sort of person.  Facebook
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The End Intended By The Lord

We don't often understand God's timing when we are crying out for help, healing, or deliverance from some situation and nothing seems to change quickly. It is just one more area where His ways are higher than our way and His thoughts higher than our thoughts (see Isaiah 55:9). While there are many times when prayer is manifestly answered in a short space of time, and even times when God's answer comes while we're still speaking and making that request, many more times it seems that waiting is required. I have found that it makes all the difference in the midst of trials and uncertainty to know that God is good, and to be convinced by His word that in the life of those whose hearts are set upon Him nothing is sent or permitted without His redeeming purpose. Indeed He has promised to cause all things to work together for good for those who love Him (see Romans 8:28). Nothing could be more sure.

Below are some snippets to encourage you to continue to call upon the Lord and to wait on Him, eagerly expecting His promise to be fulfilled in your life.

Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive."
Genesis 50:19-20

Joseph was cruelly betrayed by his brothers, separated from his father as a teenager, sold into slavery, falsely accused by an adulterous woman, imprisoned in a dungeon, forgotten by those he helped - until God's time arrived to place Joseph in a position of great power and authority that was the means of preserving the entire nation of Israel. His godly love forgiveness, and tenderness of heart towards his brothers upon the revelation of his true identity many years later only served to prove that his heart and emotions had also been healed from all he had suffered. His recorded life after that point showed how God had recompensed him for enduring years of trial with reunion with his father and family, a household of his own, and great authority, wealth, and favor with God and with man for all the remainder of his days.

Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord—that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.
James 5:11

Job was an upright man who diligently obeyed the Lord and revered Him in His holiness, even making sacrifices for the atonement of his children's sins 'just in case' they had sinned in their house parties. He was generous to the poor and to his friends, and full of wisdom. Then satan was granted permission to tempt him, bringing staggering disaster, death, and sickness to Job's life. Yet Job did not sin against God. He wrestled with understanding the ways of God but when God did answer, Job was awed by a fuller understanding of the greatness of His God. And God used him as a vessel for mercy to his friends who had not spoken what was right about the Lord. The remainder of Job's days were days of restored happiness, family, and even greater wealth than he had ever had before. God's intended end for Job certainly touched more lives than ever before by his testimony in the land of Ur among strangers, his friends and family, and to all who gain comfort from this portion of the Scriptures all these thousands of years later.

Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him."
John 9:1-3

All sin has consequences, and sometimes that includes physical afflictions (see John 5:13-15), yet not all afflictions are the result of sin. This man born blind from birth was marvelously healed (and saved from sin!) by his encounter with Jesus at the point of his need, and became an undeniable example of the power and grace of God to the people and Pharisees. In the same way, God will allow or prepare situations through which He will display Himself to you and others in ways that bring Him glory, and accomplish good for you.

Therefore the sisters sent to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.”
When Jesus heard that, He said, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”
Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was. Then after this He said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.”
John 11:3-7,14

Bad things do happen to good people. But just as in this case with Lazarus' illness and subsequent death, which Jesus even wept over openly, having to endure suffering does not mean that God does not love us. When God's power was displayed in raising Lazarus from the dead after four days of burial, He became an irrefutable witness that Jesus Christ had power and authority from God even over death, to give life. This act not only caused many other lives to be saved, but would have sealed the truths about resurrection and hope that Jesus had taught to many of his disciples up to that point - comfort which would have been needed during this time which was only shortly before His own death and resurrection.

Be encouraged! If you love God and have set your heart and hope upon Him, every trial which you have not been quickly rescued from will also serve a higher purpose for God's glory and your good. Remain steadfast and immovable upon His word. When your help, deliverance, and restoration comes, the pain of the present days will no more be felt - only remembered in such a way that your heart rejoices with gratitude and awe towards the LORD.  Facebook
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