Healing the heart: The wounds fill up

The staunchest tree is not found in the shelter of the forest, but out in the open where the winds from every quarter beat upon it, and bend and twist it until it becomes a giant in stature. 

It requires storms to produce the rooting.

Out on the meadow it stands to shelter the herds and flocks. The earth about the tree hardens. The rains do little good for the water runs off. 

But the terrific storm strikes. It twists, turns, wrenches, and at times all but tears it out of its place. If the tree could speak it might bitterly complain...The storm almost bends the tree double...What can such seeming cruelty mean? Is that love? But wait!

About the tree the soil is all loosened. Great cracks are opened up away down into the ground. Deep wounds they might appear to the inexperienced. The rain now comes in with its gentle ministry. The wounds fill up. The moisture reaches away down deep even to the utmost root. The sun again shines. New and vigorous life bursts forth. The roots go deeper and deeper. The branches shoot forth.

[Excerpt from Springs in the Valley (1939, 1968), by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman]

I've known some people who thought I was pretty great and decided to tell me so, listing traits that seemed to point to spiritual depth, gifting and commitment. To the most enthusiastic praise, I am made more sober, and I wonder if a person who makes such statements stops to wonder how a person learns to rely on God. That is where depth of spiritual life comes from. Some people grow by God's grace in the face of serious illness, or various forms of abuse, or harsh poverty, or great personal loss. In my case, any depth of character I have gained has come from a history of rejection and betrayal.

If I took the time to list for you all the significant people in my life who has broken my heart, crushed my spirit, abandoned me physically or emotionally, or betrayed my trust, from childhood till not too long ago, you would be exhausted by the time you got done reading it! That's my way of saying that in every significant relationship for (too) many years this was my experience. I'm not a touchy or over-sensitive person and I am not speaking of assuming that everyone was out to get me, or blowing small situations up and imagining that I was being victimized. This really was my experience with solid situation after situation that knocked me off my feet and onto my knees. Several years ago I learned of another betrayal, and ultimately rejection, by someone who I would earnestly pray, fast, and intercede for, for almost four years. The anguish of that moment was so great that I don't recall any words. I don't recall any audible prayers. The moment was bigger than those things could express. I do remember that I literally doubled over and fell to the floor on my knees. I still don't remember how I got up... Well, I don't remember getting up. That experience now stands framed in my mind. I think of it as the day that God picked me up, with a totally shattered heart, and started a magnificent work rebuilding what human methods could not even repair. 

Those who have had a shattered heart know what I'm talking about. It's far more than a broken heart. It's not something that time can even pretend to heal. Only God can heal the heart - time will merely tell. Time will heap up circumstances, false comforts, as well as true comforts, and create a big band-aid that may allow you to get by and even enjoy many things. But unless God has repaired the heart, something will always be broken inside. Unless God repairs the heart, no matter how much time passes, there will always be something not functioning optimally, something to make you susceptible, something to hinder you, something to fester and re-open at some unexpected time. 

After the heart-shattering moment I described above, you might think that it was the last 'big one'. It wasn't. However, that moment marked the beginning of an incredible rewiring process in my mind, as well as the miracle of seeing God rebuild my heart - from the ground up. It became a type of dividing line, where every other thing that would happen would only cause me to reflect on what God had done before at that time, and from that time, with the confidence that he would do it again. My part in all of this was to keep my eyes on Him, draw nearer and nearer, and love Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. 

And oh did I learn to love Him! I learned that He cared for me, and that He really did satisfy. Way down deep in my heart, mind, soul - it was no longer poetic verse - God satisfied me, and He became my only strength. His love saved and restored my life. His lovingkindness was better than life...finally I understood what David meant in Psalm 63. 

In future related posts, I hope to share practical pointers and thoughts about how the healing process unfolds when we look to God. What you will read is simply what I've learned about how awesome God is at healing the heart and how he can use the crushing of the heel to bring out the fragrance of Christ in a life.

The wounds fill up. You have a part to play in choosing what will fill them. If you let Christ fill them you will learn the blessing of brokenness: the deep knowledge and experience of the steady love and faithfulness of God; and the fruitfulness abiding in Him brings. 

He heals the brokenhearted

And binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

This is the first post in a series called Healing the Heart. You can find a link to all the posts in the sidebar under labels, or just click here. If using this link be sure to read from the bottom up because they were posted in a specific order to be most useful to you!