Sincere friendship is a gift from God

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

Proverbs 27:9, NLT

This past week my 'Healing the heart' series has been unfolding here at my blog. In it I mentioned having very ugly experiences of rejection and betrayal from various significant people I met along the way. Most people believe that friendship is a gift, but people who have had experiences like I did maybe appreciate friendship much more.

I did go through the phase of wanting no friends, not believing that I needed any friends or anyone at all, apart from Jesus. This was something that God Himself had to correct me about and it was a difficult lesson for me, but I did see clearly that God did not design us to function optimally in isolation. After a few more experiences - in which God chose to use divinely appointed individuals at key points in my life, in answer to my prayers for counsel, help, and prayerful support - I will now be the first to tell you that as Christians we need one another. I found the following quote which expresses part of the reason why very succinctly.

"When we consider the blessings of God—the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even suffering — friendship is very near the top."
Donald W. McCullough

Now, not every sincere believer we encounter and share interests with is going to become a tight friend that we keep in touch with and share our hearts with. Some of these kinds of God-connections are transparently one-sided where you are either the receiver or giver for God's working and with genuine Christian love - and that's perfectly okay. But when God does send someone your way with whom you can share the sweetness of trust and loyalty, and mutuality in a godly friendship that grows over time, it is one of the most priceless gifts there are on earth. And I don't mean to leave anyone jaded or suspicious, but I personally believe that this is more rare than we think.

I live just about seven minutes away from my best friend but we do not get together often, even less so now that she is back to work after a hiatus. Her life is different from mine between handling a job, marriage, and ministry. I had met her briefly almost 6 years ago under very interesting circumstances, which now seem significant and even divinely set up, but back then I never imagined back that she and I would become close friends. We didn't get a friendship going until almost 3 years ago and I remember that I was very curious about how well we got along but I was also very wary of being too open. I was very stand-offish for a while and was careful not to make any personal phone calls in return when she would call me at home. I know, that's awful right? But at that time she was a member of a bible study class that I taught and I preferred to keep all our interaction within the walls of the church so that no misunderstanding about 'friendship' would develop. I cannot pinpoint the incident, conversation, or moment when I realized that she was a God-send to me, but I sure do now, and I am oh-so-grateful!

She recently took a day off work and suggested we go out. From start till finish, it was an amazing day where I could almost tangibly feel the blessing of God upon our time together. We ate, we walked, we talked, we talked, we talked. I had a surreal moment too while we fellowshipped. We were seated on a park bench shortly before heading home and while she was talking, I was overwhelmed on the inside and had to just immediately thank God and marvel at the richness of the moment. Because we can share the most personal things, mess ups, mistakes, disappointments and hopes, life-lessons and more. We can pray for each other and with each other on the spot at merely a request or even without. And always filling all our conversation, no matter if it's a just matter of shopping or whether it's ministry related, 'God' is always very naturally and effortlessly wrapped up in our conversation; we always come back to things of the Spirit, things of the Kingdom of God and things of eternity. It is sweet as perfume and incense (Prov. 27:9) to share these moments.

I am almost at the end of reading Perry Stone's new book, Secrets from Beyond the Grave (which I would heartily recommend to you). While reading the chapters in which he discussed Heaven, the near-death and after-life experiences, visions, and dreams of various persons, I was most impressed by the looming fact that our godly relationships will be the only thing we still have when we arrive there. Moreover, all the works that God will reward us for will be valuable only on account of our obedience and love towards God, and our love for others!

If you already have a friendship that is a vessel of grace, godly wisdom, comfort and counsel, guard it well and nurture it with the attention it deserves. The Bible has a lot to say on how we are to conduct ourselves and treat one another as members of the Body of Christ. These are equally life-giving commands for personal friendships. If you do not yet know someone that you can share the Christ-life with in a mutual, specific, and close friendship, I would encourage you to ask God to prepare and send one of His disciples your way for this purpose - someone you can recognize by the fruit of the Spirit and an upright life, and a passion for knowing God that closely compares to your own. In the meantime, keep your focus on loving and serving others with God's love as an overflow of a continual pursuit of God Himself.

An open rebuke is better than hidden love! 

Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

Proverbs 27:5-6, NLT

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24, NLT

Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?

Proverbs 20:6, NLT