Churchified

I did not grow up in church. I grew up with church-going parents. A fine, godly mother, who would sing hymns to my little brother and I during our days with her at home. No matter what she sang, we would always end by pleading for an extra treat: her rendition of "Whiter than the snow, whiter than the snow; Wash me in the Blood of the Lamb and I shall be whiter than snow." I don't think we even knew what snow was, but this curious song captured us. My father has been dramatically transformed over the course of several years, and even more noticeably in the past three years. He is nothing like the father I knew back then. Back then, he was a church-going pharisee, cold, harsh and utterly legalistic. Unfortunately all my siblings and I rebelled because we did not want to be like him. God got a hold of me from a young age though.

I was eight years old when I asked Jesus to save me and from that time my life began to be transformed. Nevertheless, I was a lone ranger. I stopped going to the church my parents attended at ten years old and swore I would never go back because of the deadness of the religion that I perceived. Before that I had earnestly wanted to be baptized there but when I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents, they thought I was too young and did not believe I could be saved or understand the gospel of salvation. Perhaps this was the key motivator behind my pledge never to return to their church.

With no teachers, no Christian influences, no church, no anything for structure, I entered my pre-teen and teenage years. I was given a bible (they were superfluous at my house) and I read it. A lot. I used to 'steal' hymn books from my father's book case and invent melodies so that I could sing the words. I was ridiculed by my older siblings...But God always provides. I found books in my father's book case. Autobiographies of great Christians of the past, some theology books, some devotionals. I read those books, secretly. And re-read some of those books over the intervening years. I longed for Christians to discuss things with, but eventually, I grew used to being alone. Reading my bible. Reading books. Asking God questions. And drifting some. Always wanting God, but having the world pull at me, friends pull at me and no Christian structure in my life.

I did not notice what God had been doing in me during the last of my teenage years, but it became evident when I was twenty years old. With adult understanding, with all my human need, I surrendered my life, lock, stock and barrel to the Living God. I wanted to be poured out for Him. And then a new desire for Christian company started growing in me. I started earnestly praying about a church to attend. I tried one. Nope. I got discouraged. My older siblings were no longer laughing, but they were watching me with some fear. I was changing before their eyes. Eventually, one of them would ask me about what church they could attend. Then God sent help again. A strategically positioned, older Christian woman I met at university. Upon her second discussion with me, she asked me if I had been attending church and gave me a list of six churches I should check out and she would help to provide guidance if I had questions.

Eventually I was in church. I was now a bonafide church goer, but also a worshipper of God in spirit and in truth. I finally got baptized. I remember everything significant about that day, morning till night. I learned very many hard lessons about church life. That it wasn't as perfect as it should be. That it wasn't as 'safe' as I expected. Because no one in church is perfect, because not everyone in church is 'safe'...but God kept me. Four years later in another crucible of 'church politics' affliction, when I had just about had it with people and needed God, He taught me that a Christian wasn't meant to walk alone, apart from others of the same precious faith. It was a true humbling, complete with tears on my part. It was a hard message for me.

A few more years have passed since then. I am now completely convinced that a Christian cannot successfully walk alone, not by choice. And though it can be a hard, risky venture to step out there and embrace the life of the church, let me encourage you: God will keep you personally. God doesn't take His hand and One-to-one interest from us just because we got involved in a church with others. Suddenly it's so clear to me that many of my prayers are answered by Him through the care, the intercession, the encouragement of other Christians. During some of the most difficult times of my life, feeling alone, feeling bereft of good judgment and asking God to send 'help', my phone would ring. Someone on the other end would say, 'God just put you on my heart...'

My circle of friends and trusted Christian believers is still very small, but it exists and I am so thankful. God cares for me. God thinks of me. God gives me a gift in the life of fellow-disciples of Jesus Christ. I've been churchified. I proceed prayerfully. I look forward to church tomorrow. I hope you do too.