The wounds fill up
Intended evil, meant for good
Letting go of 'Why?'
Today and in upcoming posts I will be discussing the practical care that the healing process entails. A heart wound in one instance may just be equivalent to a surface scratch that bleeds a bit, but in another case it may be a deep gash. You may even find yourself with a chronic condition because of something that has been not properly treated for a long time till now. I will share principles that will help although each case will necessarily be unique. Each particular experience of wounding will require specific emphasis on certain areas more than the others. In every case however, I want to highlight that Christ is the Healer and healing is altogether a process of drawing near to Him, while taking wise practical steps, guarding our heart, and being obedient to God.
God wants to heal wounded hearts
Some persons may have a higher threshold for pain than others who are very easily crushed, because of differing individual levels of spiritual, mental, and emotional health and maturity, at any given point in time. However, there is nothing that is too petty for God to be concerned about when it's causing pain, damage, or dangerous infection to our hearts. The Lord is interested in our broken hearts and wounded souls.
The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Psalm 34:18
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted;
Isaiah 61:1
And speaking of Christ Himself, God wants us to know that Jesus understands the frailty and trials of the human condition and that this is why He was sent...
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 53:3-5
Cleaning the wound
Just like with a physical injury, a heart wound needs to be cleaned before it can be dressed and cared for in such a way that healing will not be hindered. Cleaning prepares the affected area for receiving any further medicinal treatment, and it is important so that the area does not become infected, nor further infected and made worse. Forgiveness and Repentance are the two most crucial elements of 'cleaning' a heart wound.
Forgiveness
If you have been the innocent party hurt by someone else, then this is where you must start. If you attempt to move past this first step to any other, you will be wasting time. Healing will never truly begin until forgiveness is given. Apart from the body-mind-emotions connection and the slow but sure consequences of negative emotions, the most foremost reason why healing is impossible without forgiveness is that God is the One who heals, and unforgiveness will separate you from Him. Forgiveness is commanded by God. Unforgiveness is disobedience and sin. Unforgiveness will separate you from the Healer.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matt. 6:14-15
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Col. 3:13
Many reading and needing healing will wrestle with this truth. I have. And I lost. The feeling of separation from God that engulfed me and grew as days and weeks passed in unforgiveness was unbearable. But it was the sharp and direct rebuke of someone who reminded me that unforgiveness could land me in hell, and remembering all that God had done in my life and spoken to me (would I forfeit it all to hold on to my sense of 'justified' unforgiveness?) that scared me enough to surrender to God. This person's tough medicine made me angry first. But then it scared me. After wrestling some more I finally told the Lord that I chose to forgive and I asked Him to help me. When I did that it was like darkness lifted and suddenly I knew that God was with me again. The gap had been closed. I could draw near. That day was also the beginning of healing after many months of just being wounded and praying prayers for restoration - prayers that could not even begin to be answered because I had not yet forgiven.
Forgiveness is about releasing someone else from a debt that they cannot pay you back and not seeking retribution, because God has done the same for you. Ideally, forgiveness is most beautiful when is it asked and granted, but many times the persons who have hurt you will not accept or admit responsibility nor ask you to forgive. Release them anyway because of what God, in Christ, has done for you.
[Please note that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation should take place, nor an offending party protected from consequences, such as in the case of abusers who may be unrepentant, and continue to pose a threat to themselves and others. For serious and complicated cases, it is important to be prayerful, and to seek godly counsel from knowledgeable authorities either in your local church or the wider Christian community.]
Repentance
Sometimes our heartaches and wounds are squarely or partially the result of sinful choices and impulses. In these cases, healing will not begin until confession and repentance is made. Confession is about agreeing that you have sinned against God's standards and saying so. Repentance is not just a feeling of regret; it is about taking specific steps to stop/not repeat the behavior, and to do what is right or replace that behavior with the God-approved response (e.g. see Eph. 4:25-29; Lk. 3:8-14).
If sin is involved, then repentance towards God must be the first step to healing.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
In the case where someone else has been wounded directly by our actions, confession and restitution (where appropriate) may also be necessary, with a sincere request for forgiveness from the other person. The response of that person does not have to hinder you even if it's not what is hoped for. The main thing is to be obedient and to trust God who will freely forgive you and not hold your sins over your head.
[Again, in serious and complicated cases, godly and knowledgeable counsel is highly advised. Confession to another party hurt by your own sin, particularly in an established relationship, needs to be wise, considerate, and honest. Repentance might entail establishing relationships for accountability and support.]
As you can see from our brief look at Forgiveness and Repentance, both of these processes begin with an encounter with God, which then determines our actions and attitudes towards others. In upcoming posts I will be saying more on caring for the wound, 'dressing' it and watching God work as you follow Him.
This is the first post in a series called Healing the Heart. You can find a link to all the posts in the sidebar under labels, or just click here. If using this link be sure to read from the bottom up because they were posted in a specific order to be most useful to you!
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